Hello, hello! It’s been just a hot second, but I have been swamped with work and utterly exhausted any other moment. But here I am!
Another reason I haven’t written a large amount lately is because I’ve been in pain. I’ve had about 8-10 days straight of consistent pain. As I’ve written previously, I don’t talk about my day to day symptoms that often. Because I do have discomfort of some kind every day, I tend to just acknowledge it myself and try my best to move on with my day.
I’m not entirely sure why I’ve been in a lot of pain for the past week. It could be the weather. It could be my schedule. It could be medication. Or it could be nothing, just the unexpected for no reason. As much as I would love to pinpoint exactly why I’ve had heightened symptoms lately, I know better than to hold onto that and demand answers. In saying that, the situation just is what it is. I’m not saying that it’s easy and that I don’t ever wonder why or ask the questions that I know in my gut have no answers. But I do try not to dwell on that.
I’ve been so exhausted lately. The levels of pain have been hard to ignore, so I think I’ve been hyper focused on the things that fill my day and keep me busy. At work, the feelings linger. And sometimes they’re overwhelming and I have to take a deep breath or two. But the great thing about work is the distraction and the fact that I thoroughly enjoy what I do.
Once I get home, it’s hard to really motivate myself to do much of anything. I try to force myself out with friends, or cleaning, or running errands. And I don’t ever regret any of that, but it’s just plain exhausting.
When the levels of pain are so high, they make every single task, no matter the size, the most daunting and most rewarding at the same time. I have to take things one step at a time and really power through. Once the task is completed, I feel accomplished and I know that I can do more. Every task can be a challenge, but nothing is impossible.
I can never prepare for when my diseases decide to flare up, or how many of them decide to flare up at once, but the most frustrating part is when it lingers. The majority of the time the unexpected flare ups are one and done. But when the unexpected lingers, my patience, my fatigue, and my strength are truly tested.
There’s nothing better than a long weekend, some decent sleep meds, and no plans. Can’t wait to continue taking advantage of that this weekend.