When the toxic in your life isn’t a chemical

There’s something to be said about leaning into myself as an adult and actually, finally, doing what is best for me and what is healthy for my soul. When we’re growing up, we don’t get much of a choice of who is in our lives, what they say to you, how they treat you, the type of energy you accept into your realm of existence and how much or how little toxicity is in all of that. Toxic doesn’t just have to be in the chemicals you use.

When Toxic Turns Beautiful

As we grow and mature, we stumble through toxic relationships, toxic jobs, toxic family members, toxic self-talk, toxic food or medications for our bodies, toxic chemicals used in our households, and more. But the true beauty comes when we emerge out of the other side of the heaviest parts of that growth. The beauty comes when we realize what we’re willing to live with and what we’re willing to live without. The toxic pieces that we just deserve better towards.

I’m not perfect. I have a long way to go to really get what I consider to be toxic out of my life. There’s a lot of toxic self-talk that still happens on a daily basis (I’m working very hard on this one daily though too); there’s a lot of toxicity in what I allow certain individuals in my life to say to me (this one is harder, but still working on removing a lot of this); and sometimes there’s still too much “toxic” I allow in my body as well. But on the other hand, I’ve done a hell of a lot of hard work to remove a great deal of toxicity from my life. And I’m here to tell you what I’ve learned about this so far, and what we all need to be repeating to ourselves on a daily basis.

Real Talk; Real Examples

• “It’s okay, I still think you’ll be pretty on your wedding day, even with the weight.”
• “You must be lazy.”
• “Like it’s hard? You sit on a computer all day.”
• “Well you’re still beautiful on the inside.”
• “Did you fake that ambulance ride and unconsciousness to test me?”
• “He might have done that but we can’t fire him; he’s too old.”
• “Oh he didn’t mean it, you’re being sensitive.”
• “You need to lose xx pounds before you think about having kids.”
• “How do you expect to be a good mom at that weight?”
• “I’m sure he loves you for more than your weight, he’ll see past what you look like on the outside.”
• “You are full of excuses; if you wanted it hard enough, you could get rid of your health issues.”

If you’re wondering if those examples above are real, YES. They are. I’ve heard every one of those before and far more of them. From close family, from old relationships, from bosses, etc. Not one of those comments is okay. Not one of those should be tolerated or accepted. Every single one of those comments is a dig, a stab, a cowardly hide behind a “well-intentioned” viewpoint. If you think they mean well, don’t fall for that – you’re making excuses for them. And guess what: I’m yelling that outloud for myself just as much as I am telling it to you too.

Be unapologetic for yourself. We all have faults – but there’s no beauty in toxicity. Sometimes I think I’ve tried to focus on fixing the toxic pieces or things or people in my life. But here’s the real talk: you can’t fix toxic and that shits not on you, girl. Not your responsibility. Or my personal favorite: not my circus, not my monkeys.

Toxic Isn’t Your Responsibility

Toxic isn’t something that is going to magically transform into this natural, healthy, nurturing entity in your life. No. Cut that shit. Removing toxicity is the only way to cleanse your body, cleanse your soul, cleanse your mind, CLEANSE YOUR LIFE. You don’t have to cut out the toxic things in your life forever, but until they prioritize the work on themselves, you don’t have to ride that journey with them and experience the rollercoaster yourself.

I still have some heavy work to do here. No one is perfect – but even just putting all of this out here on paper — er, the internet — helps me to breathe it into existence. I’m feeling more motivated than ever to remove these things from my life. There are so many beautiful things in my world – my career, my husband – and the love in both of those things is SO overwhelmingly NON-TOXIC that it settles in my soul like a warm cup of tea, a good book, and a warm blanket on a cold day. It’s home; love: my food for the heart, the head, the soul.

If you are dealing with a toxic family member, find yourself in a toxic relationship or job, or something of the sort – remember this: you can do hard things. You deserve better. You don’t have to stand for this bullshit – and you shouldn’t. Wrap that hair up in a topknot girl, throw on some pump-up jams, and take care of your shit. You’ve got this. ❤️

xoxo,

Chronically Kristin